I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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