There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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