My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
