Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dear god my vagina.
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