That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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