We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
