I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
