No awkward lesbian experiences without me
from now on my penis is your penis
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
