hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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