So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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