Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
