..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
