You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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