Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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