We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
