i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
