Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
