shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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