I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
