We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
