I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
