This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
