I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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