The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
