We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
