In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
