you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
