When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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