the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize