Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
