I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
