if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
