I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
