Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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