***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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