Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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