I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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