i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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