i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
