i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
