i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
