I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
