I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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