If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
