Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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