Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
"it" just moved
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
