her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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