Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
