I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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