You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
