i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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