My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
