Where are you?
In a non slutty way
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My dick has a subreddit
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
