so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
