Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize