I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
