can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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