Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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