My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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