if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
