Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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