You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
