Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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