As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
