I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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