I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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