I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
