Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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