I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
