Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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