My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
