apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
