its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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