"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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