While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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