he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
