K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
