i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize