watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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