State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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