SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
