That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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