Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
